Retreating no more

So, I did it... i took a weekend for me... and me alone. I know that seems like a very boring, 'who cares' kind of thing, but it was a BIG DEAL for me... i've not ever, seriously, that i can think of, took a full weekend just for me to get away. as in... no phone, no internet, tv only if i chose to watch it, gotten away on purpose just for me to relax. No work, no church, no kids, no schedule, no events, no nothing... Now, before any of you who actually know me start to think i must have been drugged or bribed or maybe even kidnapped, yes, i did in fact do this for me. I did, also, miss the showing of a testimony video that I filmed for our church!! on my weekend! i left... however, it was not planned that way. For you who have read some of my posts lately or even just maybe know me personally, life has been a little heavy in the trauma and drama of it all and well - disconnecting, rest and detachment is what i have needed... and these indeed are what i did.

It was awesome to go to nature, a very similar spot to where i went to high school and where my mom still lives, in the hills and forest and trees and lakes and trails and... man... it was totally awesome. Andy and Brandy went with me, we got a cabin at Natchez State Park, a short distance past Jackson, TN. I was able to talk to Sonya on Saturday, from the top of a hill on the Pine Oak trail, Andy took a picture of me 'not disconnecting' but i will never miss the chance to talk with her! Its so exciting and encouraging to hear how her life is changing, from the inside out and what God is doing in her. It keeps giving me hope that i am not lost and i am not forgotten, even when i feel like all hope should or could be lost at times. It's just such an inspiration... it makes me get all fired up... I titled this blog 'retreating no more' because I am not running away any more. i'm not going to hide and wait patiently for others around me or things to start coming my way. I'm not going to sit back idly while my life passes me by. Over the past 6 months, i started a new position, of which i am officially leaving today, Monday the 2nd of February and this has TOTALLY been a time of rest for me. the position i had before it was supppppppppppeerrrrr hard-core and i was very very very worn out. i was physically and emotionally exhausted from the year and 1/2 i was in that role and i was just... pooped. so the job i had come to was such a relief. i was able to finally breathe, and i was also able to catch up on my life, as in outside of work. but in doing so, i got lazy in a lot of my other obligations. DR ended and i just fell out, pretty much. in general. so... all that to say this. Passive Aubrey exists no more. Time to get up and go-get-em... if you don't get out and get what God, Himself, is putting right in front of you, who will????

India, here we come.

Faithfulness, I'm yours.

Service is here.

I have caught my breath and ready to jump back in the race. We are all called to a race. I remember having a philosophical talk with some friends of mine, Christian, and we discussed why it is so important to not know the future... it's always said and we firmly believed that if God always showed you what He has called for your life, you'd never find it because you're always thinking... that cant be for me, i'm not good enough, I will never be able to handle that... i don't deserve to have God give this to me... and man... is that ever true. Even if you do not know what race you are called to, you better stay on the trail... you better stay fit and you better keep running.... because you just never know when you will get the baton. I'm not willing to stop.

So... 2 days, 3 nature walks, 969 pictures, 2 grilled cheeses and 1 fire later... i am home with some clarity and some fired up determination.

My family is tough, we are strong and Derek will come home safely, we are all sure of it. My step mom's dad is still in the hospital and may not come home so i'm still believing for her sanity. And i must away to bed so that i will keep mine. But... Happy Birthday to my mom, her birthday is Feb 1.

Good nite! and wish me luck with my new position! :)

guess what...

Wow... what a week it's been!!!!!!!!! and it's only Wednesday, no? I know there's too much going on when I am reacting to feeling i have no idea that i am actually harboring. Such has been the case over the last 5 days.

Friday, my brother's friend passed away. Kameron Hale. He was 16 and loved by many many people. It's been hard on their school, but just such a blessing that most seem to be dealing with it quite well. I think the hardest part for our family is the feeling of helplessness. I know it is for me. My mom called me around 1030 that night and there was really nothing i could do. And... i am EVER MORE thankful that i was with a very good friend of mine... with my other brother leaving for Iraq this week, well... sometimes, you just need some support. and that's the lesson i think God is really trying to teach me, that I am not made to handle every single thing all on my own all the time and that I really have to just break down the walls and let people in, OCCASIONALLY. I know we have to guard our hearts, A LOT... and be mindful of who and what we let in, but you know... sometimes, you just need to be taken care of. and man... am i ever having a time with this! Being vulnerable to another person can and has been dangerous and it's not to be taken or given lightly. So.... yeah... its so awesome to have amazing friends that you can rest in!!! and it makes me miss my BFF so much... My other brother, he's now going to be gone for up to 2 years. that was the other bout of news received friday night... so a big double-whamie for my family to receive this weekend. All i can do is pray for them... and for me and ask you to do the same. And try to maintain some sort of sanity thru this course. Races are not to be run lightly and they're not easy. but you know what... God doesn't call everyone to run them either. So i do take joy in the trials and tribulations... b/c i know it's an honor to be put on that track in the first place!

Ok, enough of the drama center. This is why we don't watch soap operas!!! So, this weekend, my church debuted the new look and new stage! it's been quite amazing! we had a really awesome weekend and of course, some great pics! i have the pics on my facebook, and will throw some around in here too! :) We had just a GREAT weekend and over the last couple of weeks, i've been talking with our media leaders learning about the amazing # of people who check the website, watch our video of the sermons and report to have made fresh starts, it's really quite awesome! Our videos are the #1 hits on our chruch website! :)http://www.thelifechurch.com/ and that's so awesome!!! it's great to know how technology is still making a way for us to impact lives, for people all over the city, state and world! Just... motivating!!! I had a great time taking some pictures this weekend! We even did a portrait shoot saturday that i think turned out with some BEAUTIFUL shots, and i took a girl friend of mine, from church, she's a dancer for some studios in town, and just a great chick in general! (picture to the right) She's a BLAST to hang with and made the day quite enjoyable, i was definitely not feelin it that day after receiving all the news from my mom. But I learned a LOT from watching the photographers. it was the best of both worlds, having my picture taken and getting to see what they were doing, how they were doing it, it was really fun to experiment! :) loved it!!! However, the weekend wasn't really bad at all here, just my heart breaking for my family. I just want to love on them. But I am ever so thankful for my peeps this weekend being there and cheering me on! It really did turn out to be a blast. :)

And last night... i had fun. Last night i filmed a video for my church, as in I was the subject.... weird, i know! it's not too often at all i'm on that side of the camera. :) but it was good, it was a lot of fun, and i'm SOOOO happy that my girl Stacie got to do it with me! she's most definitely one of my best good friends ever and it was such a treat that she got to be the one i was able to talk to while we filmed it. it was a testimony video done entirely with MEDIA PEEPS! aahhh, it was just so awesome. I'm so blessed... sometimes, i just need a good slap of goodness to realize it. (self portrait to the right)

Ok, that's all folks. I'm retreating away for the weekend. hopefully, gonna take 1000 pictures by the time i get back.

Love to ya momma.

crazy-beautiful

Hmm.... There's so much to be said... and no words to say it.

Derek, my brother leaves a week from today to go on his 2nd tour to the war in Iraq. This is really hard on our family but it also feels like we're old pro's at it, all in the same time. i love this boy almost as much as i do my own children. The older he gets, the closer we get, and yeah, maybe it is because he does just 'get it' so much more... but i will never accept any thought of ever leading my life without him in it. I know that God will bring him home to us again... just like he always has!!! God's Speed, bro... I LOVE YOU!

On lighter news, one of my best good friends cooked a great dinner for me the other night... Was really good!!! Bumble Bee Soup... ever heard of that? I had not and to be honest, I was a bit scared... :) but it was awesome, I was HIGHLY impressed. :) Of course, as he cooked, I played around with my camera, 1/2 way into his efforts. i missed all the good part at the beginning. HA!

as a plug here... I do have a flicker page, facebook page and I recently became a twitter user (we'll see how long that lasts). I will be posting most of my stuff (photos) on Flicker :) and I keep Facebook pretty updates, all links are there.

SO... MLK day was FUN! I had a good lunch and good company, did some much needed shopping :) and then went to MLK day! Was so awesome!!! And man... what an AWESOME service! I took some pics during rehearsal, and man... just... AWESOME! Anthony Evans was here all weekend. I was not here for Sat/Sun Services, however, I know it was "OFF DA CHAIN!" I saw the videos and heard everyone talking about it, via facebook of course! and i was wishing so much i was home, the whole weekend to be here!!!

I LOVE MY CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anthony's team brought some shirts down to sell, i bought 3 :). They were really funny tho... one, green one, had a bite taken from an apple and said "My bad - Eve" HAAHAHA!! The other says "God loves everyone. but i'm His favorite." is that me or what? i love them!!!

So... Pray for my brother's friend, he's in Arkansas Children's Hospital, on life support b/c of an ATV accident. Pls keep him lifted up!

New Camera - Moving Forward

Well... i'll start off by saying I'm totally in awe of my new camera. i took several pics today, about 500... i'm just... wow... in awe!!! SO MUCH good stuff to do with this piece of brilliance.
I used a very very special Nikon D700 to shoot downtown this week and i was embarassingly impressed with this camera. And i admitted, even though i did a lot of research and put in much thought before i bought the D90, when i got it, i was just a TAD disappointed b/c the 700 was so phenomenal. but i guess it took only 1 weekend with the D90 to fall in love with it too. or maybe, it's just the telephoto (300mm) lens that i love so much? i guess we'll never know, nor does it matter. :) but i will attach a couple so you may see a sampling.

All of these pics were taken today. :)

Feel free to share your thoughts here if you like them, if you don't, i promise, i will try to get better!

We had 'Wide Open Leadership Night' tonight at church. It was really great!!! I'm so happy we're doing the song "Moving Forward" it really really applies to our church right now, and i think in most of our lives. To keep moving forward, letting go of our pasts and taking hold of what lies in front of us!!!

Part of me knows that my taking hold of this photography bug again is me moving forward with things, more like a complete moving on. I know that our past can bind us, sometimes unknowningly but i know that the steps i've made in my life are enabling me to unleash a new fury on my past... once and for all!
wow... this all, the camera, the blog, the new things i've been doing in my life... it's really enabling, encouraging, inspiring. A lot of things/people have been inspiring lately, i'm catching it...

Good night, you guys!