if it seems too good to be true... it probably is!

wow... what a week, what a month... what an ordeal!

it doesn't seem like it's at all real, what all has transpired this last month. and the only thing i can say is that i was bamboozled! ha!! i was pretty guarded and did it the way i was supposed to... but then i messed up. i trusted the wrong thing. against all cognitive reasonable thought... i trusted... and while i know that to never trust a person is not the way to do it... i am being proven otherwise by people. all around me... all the time. and i know this isn't my battle!!! but... man... did i just miss that mark or what.

i thought my job was too good to be true. i thought i had a boss who supported me and would remain on my side only to have that 100% turned around in my face and made me fully intend on walking out, which we know isn't the answer.  but now I'm seeing patience and guarding my every emotion and feeling and know it will definitely protect me physically and emotionally but also make it so much easier to be disappointed.

then... i was lied to. misled. or at least thats how it feels. proving to me even more so that i must guard my heart... above all else!!! just like the word says. you just can't trust people. and why? no, you don't do things to deserve it. no matter how many times you replay your decisions, right, wrong or indifferent, you DO NOT deserve it... and i tell the ones who hurt me this as much as i tell myself. you don't deserve to be treated poorly. but you have no right to dishonor or disrespect anyone else either.

I know you get what you reap. but I don't wish anything bad on those who wrong me. from my childhood to now... i honestly do not. but i can't help the fact that God can provide a better revenge than any one person can. and i while i hope that i will also not get it as bad as i give it, i hope the same for those who wrong me.

God says to thank Him still in times of trouble. Oh how i love iorny... Thank Him in times of tribulation (James 1:2-3). Because you are in the midst of being pruned... God is not a God who wastes his time! only those who are called will be tried. You will be tested... 1Peter 1:5-7. We should be thankful that we are not overlooked. we should be thankful that we are deemed worthy!! we should thank God that he cares so much to get all in our business to correct us!!! We are called... I am called. God has called me for such a bigger purpose than to be hurt and dismayed or in dispair. He has a higher calling for me. and i will be thankful for the lessons, that He does NOT give up on me! Oh how sweet it is that if I fail, and we know I did... that He will bring me closer to Him even more so and care enuf about me to get right up in there and teach me. Psalm 66:10-14. In the trials, He refines us, like purifying silver... while we go thru the depts of dispair, we will praise His name... I am far from perfect and I am definitely not the best example... but I know God is with me... Psalm 34:17 and i know God will not give up on me, for He directs my paths...

Abraham... Genesis 22... I am willing to Sacrifice, only b/c God told me to.

With that, I am so guarded as to who i give attention to. While i know i'm not better than the other, i care enough about what God has called me to that I don't want to get off track. And having someone who gets that (or makes you think they do) and understand... that if i give you my time, it's because you really are extraordinary too, then to find out it's totally false... it is disheartening. And violating. and i don't like to beleive that any of it could be true. which is why i know that God has a huge plan for all the things that happen. it's all for a reason.

Its so not over.

the laugh...

I heard a laugh today for the first time in a long while... I think someone's real and genuine laugh can be an expression of hope; a token of excitement and forward looking, a breath of fresh air. Such a welcomed sound... :) oh how i have missed it!!!

Who would have thought that college football is something that i have MISSED?? it's amazing what you can do when you have time to watch TV. i forgot how much I really like football... amazing!!!

Check out these beautiful pics! Some from a trip i took recently... this little girl just stole my heart. she was so sweet and fun!!! Just a joy to shoot and she reminds me so much of my family... just a doll!

Went to Devils Den St park in NorthWest AR. I will deny it till the day i die, but i think i actually miss living in AR. i miss the mountains!!!! i miss the ppl there now... but these pics are just a little of the fun i had!

More trips to come, i'm sure!

trial and error

When all else fails, there really IS trial and error...

But what I'm learning in life is:

• You don't make as many mistakes as you think you do... and even if you do, who cares!!! if they love you for who you are, your mistakes aren't really going to matter in the long run, so they won't dwell on them either, so why do you!?
  
• you won't get anywhere if you don't let go of the past, especially if it's more than 10 yrs ago... and forgive and forget... for reals. you can't see where you're going if you're constantly trying to drag up where you've been


• you gotta give trust to get it. No matter what... you won't move a bit forward if you don't trust someone... just TRUST SOMEONE!


• Just because you're scared doesn't mean you can't step out on faith. and even if you do get hurt... pain can be a good thing! without it, how do you really know you're human? Pain may not be necessary, at all... but I'll take a little pain and get some joy, happiness and possibly a life long of blessings to go thru it for a minute.


• God doesn't give up on me... I'm so thankful that even thru all my mistakes, God doesn't give up... He never ever gives up. but He still loves me to give me these blessings!! To bestow upon me gifts of life!! gift of Joy! He still gives me the desires of my heart!!!!

AHH you guys... it's a new day... a new era... and I'm happy to take the chances... :) more pics will come later. :) Maybe in a couple of weeks.