I know it's been a month since I've posted. But this has GOT to be the most mortally frightening month I've ever had.
The theme for my weekend a month ago today was "party to forget mortality". Dealing w the fact my mom was looking face to face w cancer was devistating for me, as I realized later, and just not knowing if or what or anything was the hardest part. At least if u know for sure u can get a plan of attack. U can call in the troops and forge an attack on whatever ur dealin w and be done w it!!! Kick cancer's arse in a way it's never seen. But that weekend of not knowing what she had tore me up. And while we do not know for sure what it is now, her second opinion dr was very reassuring that if he thot it was cancer he would treat it asap. So. This last month I have kinda... Neutralized myself. I think for the week after that I was in a very dark place for abt 10 days straight. God just gently brought me back up. Lovingly I might add... And I was normal again. Till this week.
Why must must mortality beat on my door now? Why must I have it shoved in my face over again that I am not invincible. I know my faith keeps me plugged in saying "if it's my time, so be it." but man. Having to read up abt symptoms and causes an potential issues can totally kill ur spirit if u let it.
Remain focused on the fact God is the truth and has the final say. Diagnoses come and go and are wrong 1/2 the time. No one and no thing except what is real and true can replace it. All this speculation makes me so darn mad an scared at the same time. But I will again party to forget mortality this weekend.
Me and my peeps. :) Shannan n Bjarni. Amazing music fest weekend!
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